“I can’t stop thinking about a movie I watched. It’s left me feeling kind of empty, sad, confused, and lost. It’s not the first time that this has happened to me as it has also happened with tv shows and books. I feel silly because I don’t understand why I let myself be moved and influenced by such small things. It left me in a state where I can’t imagine a scenario in life where I’ll ever be content. I want to know why I suddenly feel this way”. Melissa
Thank you for your question Melissa. I picked your question as I believe this is a common problem that a lot of people experience. How we feel about ourselves is in a large part determined by our evaluation of others. Research indicates that when we see others living seemingly amazing lives it can end up making us feel worse. The two main reasons for social comparison are to make sense of our own attributes and as we were often directly competing for resources needed to survive such as food, territory, and mates. Even if this is not always true in modern times our brains evolved in this environment and still function in this way.
Interestingly Macaques monkeys have revealed some of the brains inner workings when it comes to envy. This study found that “the subjective value of one’s own rewards is affected by information regarding others’ rewards”. What this means is if something good happens for you (a reward) your assessment of its value is based on what you see another person getting. This means you could be happy getting a new car but then if a friend pulls up in a bigger car you will feel worse about your car.
There is also a growing body of evidence which points to the false reality painted in social media as negatively impacting mental health and self-esteem. One study found that engaging with an attractive female peer negatively impacted women’s body image. Another study found that even when people were warned an image had been retouched the image still increased body consciousness and decreased physical self-esteem. While we are drawn to these types of media like many other addictive activities, they may actually make us feel worse in the long run. The reason we continue to watch movies or visit social media sites when they make us feel worse is because social comparison was important for survival, so our brains are tuned to want to seek information to compare ourselves to others.
Many aspects of movies and television present a false reality. The people on television often appear to be living perfect lives which seem amazing and important but are fictional. Humans are naturally jealous creatures who often envy those who are smarter, richer, or more beautiful. The topic of envy and jealousy deserves its own post; however, the main takeaway is that movies and social media can set up impossible expectations. When these levels of perfection are compared to our real lives, it can leave us feeling empty and not good enough.
In conclusion television, social media, and books can be a great way to relax for a few hours. However, they can also provide a fictional reality which when compared to our lives can make us feel less content. Our brains look for comparisons between our life and others. When compared to the lives of movie stars our own lives come up short. If this is happening, we need to switch off and become more present and mindful of the small events which occur every day that make us happy. If you regularly feel empty or unhappy after watching movies seeing a psychologist could help you develop strategies to increase your appreciation of your own life and decrease your need to compare your own life to others.
