“I met several guys and I have the same problem every time. Last time I met a guy that I started having feelings for. At first, I’m very happy if I saw him or if he texts me. Then after, nothing special happened but I started feeling very nauseous every time I think of him or if he texts me. Sometimes I even couldn’t go where he might be so I stayed home and even the thought of him made me throw up. He didn’t do anything bad to me and we weren’t even lovers. What is the cause?” Lola Belle
“I feel isolated and have negative thoughts all the time. I just keep on thinking in my mind. I can’t tell anyone about what I feel. I tell myself I am fine I am just too sensitive maybe. I can’t think of good things about myself. I loathe myself. I always think I am being judged. Like walking on the street is difficult for me. I consider everyone is watching me. Or I am so ugly. I am crying very often this past week. I try to calm myself but can’t. I only stop when I get too tired. I can’t get my work done in time. I can’t concentrate. I feel myself as an obstacle or a burden for my family and everyone around me. That I am hurting them so much I shouldn’t say anything. So I usually isolate myself from people. I lack self confidence a lot. I can’t talk to people or make new friends. Maybe I can do something about it?” Bea
Thank you Lola Belle and Bea for your questions. Since I think you are both experiencing symptoms of anxiety, I thought it would be helpful for other people to see your questions together as they show the diversity of anxiety symptoms. When you see the diagnostic criteria for anxiety it looks neat and tidy but mental illness can be a lot more confusing than those criteria. Anxiety can look different for different people. Anxiety disorders also come in a range of shapes and sizes from phobias which are often very specific through to generalised anxiety disorder where you feel anxious in most situations. Anxiety disorders are the most common form of mental health diagnosis with over 1 in 3 people experiencing an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.
Lola Belle I would suggest you are probably experiencing some of the physical symptoms of anxiety. I would need to sit down and find out more about what is happening before making a diagnosis, however nausea and vomiting can be physical symptoms of anxiety. You may feel sick when anxious due to your stomach muscle tightening. Also, your levels of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, increase which can lead to more acid in your stomach making you feel nauseous. These physical reactions can occur without conscious awareness of anxious thoughts. Therapy would involve exploring your thoughts around this time and learning skills such as mindfulness to help you remain calm before a date.
Bea, I think you are also describing anxiety symptoms, possibly a social anxiety disorder but again I would need more information from you to make an accurate diagnosis. Social anxiety disorder is characterised by overwhelming fear and self-consciousness. To the person experiencing anxiety the fear seems totally justified but to others the fear can seem irrational or blown out of proportion. It is unpleasant and tiring to have ongoing negative thoughts. You are not alone with the thoughts you are having as these are incredibly common themes which people with anxiety experience. You can definitely do something about these thoughts to reduce their frequency and intensity. Therapy for social anxiety involves learning skills to challenge your self-conscious thoughts and gradual exposure to social situations where you test out different ways of thinking and acting.
The good thing about anxiety disorders is that there are a number of treatments which have shown a good evidence base and have been found to help a range of people. Cognitive behaviour therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and mindfulness based therapies have been found to be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety. I would recommend both of you go and talk to your respective GP’s to discuss your mental health. It would be helpful for both of you to develop a mental health care plan and obtain a referral to a Psychologist.
