I would like to know if I have a problem, I live in a very violent and verbally abusive family with drunks/drug addicts. I have lived with my verbally abusive mother for 11 out of 15 years of my life. I get the feeling that my brain more specifically my emotions work a little differently, essentially I don’t react with emotion instead I analyse my situation and filter what I understand. I use my common sense to divide it into emotions which I call a “rational filter”. Please help it’s really affecting my life as I do not feel in tune with my emotions, I honestly feel like nothing matters. Jordan
Thank you for your question Jordan. What you are describing is a common reaction in people who have experienced trauma. Our bodies and brains have evolved to help us when we experience a stressful or traumatic event. When we encounter a stressful even our amygdala which is part of our brain sends a signal to our hypothalamus and this tells our autonomic nervous system to make changes with our breathing, blood pressure, heart rate, blood vessels and lungs in preparation for reacting to the situation. This reaction happens very fast and has evolved to protect us from dangerous situations. Generally, we react in three main ways: Fight, flight or freeze. You may know people who lash out with their words or fists when threatened this is the fight response kicking in. Running away or avoiding an event that is particularly scary or sad is the flight response. Finally, the most common response is the freeze response. This can involve tonic immobility where you literally cannot move or talk but more commonly involves a less extensive shut down. In your situation I would wonder if the process you are describing where you divide your emotions and then tune them out may be either a freeze or avoidance response. This process is very helpful in traumatic situations as it can protect you during the experience, however if it becomes a pattern or happens at times you need to feel emotions it becomes an unhelpful response. In these situations, the most important first step is that you need to be in a safe situation. You describe a “very violent and verbally abusive family with drunks/drug addicts”. As you are 15 years old, I would advise you discuss your concerns with Child Protective Services. Once you have been in a safe place for a while then you can start to assess whether you are able to feel more in tune with your emotions. If you find you are still struggling, then seeing a Psychologist or other mental health professional could help you start to process your experiences and work towards reducing this reaction.
Child Protective Services across Australia
Australian Capital Territory
Child and Youth Protective Services
Ph: 1300 556 729
New South Wales
Department of Family and Community Serivces
Ph: 13 21 11
Northern Territory
Territory Families
Ph: 1800 700 250
Queensland
Department of Child Safety, Youth, and Women
Ph: 1800 177 135
South Australia
Department of Child Protection
Ph: 13 14 78
Tasmania
Department of Health and Human Services
Ph: 1800 000 123
Victoria
Department of Health and Human Services
Ph: 13 12 78
Western Australia
Department of Communities, Child Protection and Family Support
Ph: 1800 273 889
For a complete list please go to https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/cfca-resource-sheet/reporting-child-abuse-and-neglect
