Is it possible to suppress or block out an entire sexual relationship so that you have no memory of it at all? I have been married 10 years and have struggled with my sexuality in a big way. I have always believed I was a virgin when I got married but my sexual issues have been very extreme. There is a period of months when I was first dating my husband where I saw an ex on the side as “friends”, but I cannot remember much of it. My husband is convinced I had a sexual affair with him, giving him my virginity. I do not have any memory of sex with anyone else. Is it possible I have blocked out all memory to avoid guilt? Anne
Thank you for your question Anne. The question of repressed memories is something that has been debated in psychology for decades. The research has largely discredited the idea that people can totally block out memories of a traumatic event only for the memories to be recovered later through therapy. This research is outlined in The Myth of Repressed Memory: False Memories and Allegations of Sexual Abuse. Extreme trauma can affect memory and cause dissociation, however the events you are discussing do not sound traumatic in nature. I would wonder if your husband may be looking for a reason for what you describe as your “sexual issues”. Rather than focusing on blocked memories I would suggest you and your husband see a Psychologist to work on your relationship. Relationship therapy would help your husband explore his issues of trust with you and help you both work towards regaining a healthy sexual relationship.
My wife had a 2 1/2 week affair with a person. My wife without my knowledge invited him to stay at our apartment until he could find other accommodations, we had driven down with my brother, we had an argument and ended up going home with him, things had happened that bothered me, again I had no knowledge of him staying with us, we packed the car there we 5 of us going back, one was my 9 month old son, my wife was putting his car seat in the back seat, I opened the backseat door and sat down, much to my surprise my wife had gotten out of the back seat and was getting into the front seat, the expression on her face was of complete joy, she had a huge smile on her face, she was happier than I have ever see her and she stared at him like no one else was in the car, I was shocked and said nothing, the 6 hour ride home she never said a word to me, when we had dropped of another passenger he drove us to our apartment, that’s were I found out that he would be staying with us until he found other accommodations, again I was a fool and said nothing.
In recent communication with the man she had the affair with, he admitted to the affair. It continued at our residence without my knowledge as I went to bed early because my job started at 7 am, they used the time when I slept to have sexual encounters, they took showers together and used our sofa bed to have sex, they would fall asleep together, he had a small alarm clock that was set for 5 o’clock so that she would have time to get back to our bed for when I woke up to go to work.
I had questioned her about the events when we got home, she said she didn’t remember.
It was the same for the 2+ weeks he stayed with us, she says she has no memory of what happened during those 2+ weeks, now the events were quite some time ago, is it possible for her not to remember?